Who doesn't love hearing that question! I like to respond with, "No I'm not f*ckin depressed, I'm f*ckin fantastic how about you". If you haven't noticed I am slightly sarcastic, just a tad. But yea, every now and then I get in these depressive states and sometimes they will last a day, a week or a month or two, it just depends on who knows what.
I don't see a therapist, I have in the past but it seems like all they do is just make things worse. I've been medicated by a doctor which didn't turn out so well (ask my ex). So I've just learned to Cope with it. When I get in my depressive state, I'll close myself off from the world and when I'm good and ready I emerge from my shell.
I don't exactly know what my triggers are, I do tend to avoid Iraq war stuff but that's about it really. Perhaps I'm all depressed because of survivor guilt. I found out someone I worked with in the past was killed overseas. That could be why I'm all messed up now. Oh well, just gotta keep on f*ckin truckin!!!!
If your in the dumps and don't want to deal with the world, and you want to lock yourself away for a bit, that's fine and it's probably healthy for you and the world, but eventually you are going to face the day. So if you are going to face the day, start it off with something you like, a favorite song, a favorite meal or favorite activity. Remember it's all about baby steps.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
The home is a temple
For the most part home is our safety net, whether we live on our own, with parents, or with roommates. We all come home after a tough day of work or running errands to lovely abode. Think about it, it's our holy temple, we eat, sleep, laugh, cry, make love, fight, and for some of us, pray. So when you have people over for long periods of time it's definitely an issue.
When visitors or a construction crew invade your temple and are there for a long period of time you can't help but feel threatened and sort of on edge. Which is my current dilemma, my parent's home is going through a mini remodel, kitchen stuff, some bathroom stuff, and some backyard stuff. This is a pain in the ass for me!! I can't park in the driveway because the construction people use it to load/unload equipment and I dont want to have to move my car every few minutes. I can't hangout and relax in the living room, I can't even cook myself some damn eggs AND i hate eating fast food so I have to go eat at a cafe or something. It's like my sanity is gone and I can't be spiritually in peace because I'll either here whistling, the drill or people talking.
Yes, I am anti-social and don't like being around people at times, that is why I come home, to regain my senses, to regain my social energy so that when I go out into the world im not as big as an asshole as I normally am. END OF RANT
When visitors or a construction crew invade your temple and are there for a long period of time you can't help but feel threatened and sort of on edge. Which is my current dilemma, my parent's home is going through a mini remodel, kitchen stuff, some bathroom stuff, and some backyard stuff. This is a pain in the ass for me!! I can't park in the driveway because the construction people use it to load/unload equipment and I dont want to have to move my car every few minutes. I can't hangout and relax in the living room, I can't even cook myself some damn eggs AND i hate eating fast food so I have to go eat at a cafe or something. It's like my sanity is gone and I can't be spiritually in peace because I'll either here whistling, the drill or people talking.
Yes, I am anti-social and don't like being around people at times, that is why I come home, to regain my senses, to regain my social energy so that when I go out into the world im not as big as an asshole as I normally am. END OF RANT
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
How to be alone
When I was alone and had nobody to turn to, I of course turned to the Internet like most people do. I found this video on youtube by chance and I really enjoyed and found it inspirational, perhaps you will too.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Bukowski and Hemingway had women...
*warning* I was under the influence of alcohol when I wrote this.
For one of the first times in my life I have felt the need for companionship. Maybe it was due to the two couples I was hanging out with that were literally spooning on the couches AT THE BAR and the fact that I had no single friends to talk to.
I usually can handle couples, Ive been doing it for a loong loong time and im used to being the lone single guy of the group but this time I actually felt a need for companionship. Someone I can share my awesomeness with, someone I can share my drink with and someone I can Karoake duet with(we'll sing f*cked up songs like Whiskey Lullaby).
I've always felt the need for solitude and never desired being tied down. I preferred being the lonely guy but im starting to feel that I am closing myself off to life. After all, Bukoski and Hemingway had women in their lives, perhaps I should too!!
For one of the first times in my life I have felt the need for companionship. Maybe it was due to the two couples I was hanging out with that were literally spooning on the couches AT THE BAR and the fact that I had no single friends to talk to.
I usually can handle couples, Ive been doing it for a loong loong time and im used to being the lone single guy of the group but this time I actually felt a need for companionship. Someone I can share my awesomeness with, someone I can share my drink with and someone I can Karoake duet with(we'll sing f*cked up songs like Whiskey Lullaby).
I've always felt the need for solitude and never desired being tied down. I preferred being the lonely guy but im starting to feel that I am closing myself off to life. After all, Bukoski and Hemingway had women in their lives, perhaps I should too!!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Bucket List and what not
The Bucket list movie with Nicholsan and Freeman was not that great but it brought about the idea into the limelight that we all do and should have lists of things we want to do before we kick the bucket. I am going to talk a little bit of a few of the things I have on my dead list.
*Stand up Comedy-Prolly at the top, who doesn't wanna go on stage and make fun of every day life, people, politicians and the crowd watching that night. I'm not looking to make a career of it, I just think it would be something fun to do! Plus it takes majore balls to go up in front of random strangers and make an ass of yourself. To be honest I find this more exhilerating thant bungee jumping or sky diving.
*Climb Mt. Everest-no explaining needed. Have you not seen Cliffhanger with Sly Stallone, not only is that movie freakin AWESOME but it's a pretty decent suspenful movie!! The acting isn't great and sometimes the scenes look like soundstages but it's ok, the movie rocks!! But yea back to Everest, it's a man VS wild thing, overcoming mother nature, basically make her my f*ckin b*tch!!
Thats about it for now, unfortunately I dont have many things on my bucketlist, I mean I've experienced a good amount now in the 30 years I've been on this earth. From game winning goals in hockey to participating in the invasion of a small country and I won't even get into the party/drinking scene, I'll save that for next time!!
*Stand up Comedy-Prolly at the top, who doesn't wanna go on stage and make fun of every day life, people, politicians and the crowd watching that night. I'm not looking to make a career of it, I just think it would be something fun to do! Plus it takes majore balls to go up in front of random strangers and make an ass of yourself. To be honest I find this more exhilerating thant bungee jumping or sky diving.
*Climb Mt. Everest-no explaining needed. Have you not seen Cliffhanger with Sly Stallone, not only is that movie freakin AWESOME but it's a pretty decent suspenful movie!! The acting isn't great and sometimes the scenes look like soundstages but it's ok, the movie rocks!! But yea back to Everest, it's a man VS wild thing, overcoming mother nature, basically make her my f*ckin b*tch!!
Thats about it for now, unfortunately I dont have many things on my bucketlist, I mean I've experienced a good amount now in the 30 years I've been on this earth. From game winning goals in hockey to participating in the invasion of a small country and I won't even get into the party/drinking scene, I'll save that for next time!!
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Off and on off and on and being alone
I am completely afraid to look at my previous posts to count the times I have said that I will start posting more often or that I will set a schedule for me to do it. Les just get out it out in the air, I AM A FLAKE! Well no completely, just when it comes to this. Ok so here's my actual blog on being alone.
I have no issue being alone. I was the youngest in my household and there was/is a HUGE age gap between me and my three older brothers, i was the baby of the family. So part of my childhood I felt like an only child because I was the only child living in the house, everyone else were adults. I would go off in my imaginary world and do things alone. Don't get me wrong I played with the kids in the neighborhood, but they weren't like me and didn't think like me (no, I'm not gay). The only way I could explain it was that I maybe had a conscious, or I could think outside of myself, maybe I had self realization at an early age. Also, because I was always around older people I matured more quickly.
Fast forward to now, I am sort of well rounded. I have "friends". Although there are very few I would call for help if I was stranded somewhere. In general I enjoy being alone with m thoughts. I'll occasionally go out with people but then I have to recharge my social juices and spend some time isolated from everyone else. Some people can't handle solitude and isolation, me on the other hand, I thrive in it!!!
I have no issue being alone. I was the youngest in my household and there was/is a HUGE age gap between me and my three older brothers, i was the baby of the family. So part of my childhood I felt like an only child because I was the only child living in the house, everyone else were adults. I would go off in my imaginary world and do things alone. Don't get me wrong I played with the kids in the neighborhood, but they weren't like me and didn't think like me (no, I'm not gay). The only way I could explain it was that I maybe had a conscious, or I could think outside of myself, maybe I had self realization at an early age. Also, because I was always around older people I matured more quickly.
Fast forward to now, I am sort of well rounded. I have "friends". Although there are very few I would call for help if I was stranded somewhere. In general I enjoy being alone with m thoughts. I'll occasionally go out with people but then I have to recharge my social juices and spend some time isolated from everyone else. Some people can't handle solitude and isolation, me on the other hand, I thrive in it!!!
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