Decent day

Today was actually better than most days. I got a few things done around the house, ran some errands and then finished the day off with a little window shopping at REI(I love that damn store.

My overall mood for the day wasn't too bad actually, I wasn''t angry or sad, sure I was a little bummed about my money situation but i didn't let it get to me. Me and a buddy of mine went to my school to show the counselor my transcripts to show that I have cleared English and Math pre-requisites, one of the things I like about my school are the girls, they are gorgeous and there's good diversity.

I cleaned up around my room and now i have more space to do activities, maybe I'll punch some pumpkins tomorrow. Seriously though, it cleared up some space in my room so now i can buy the chair Ive been wanting to buy. Im sorta sleepy now so I'll talk tomorrow.

sooo friends......

As I was laying here in my full size bed stretching my legs out for some reason I started thinking about friends, and what not. You ever wonder how many close, how many are acquaintances, and just plain associates. Then it started making me think of my multiple personalities. Do you have the same dilemma?

So I have VERY few close friends who I call when I'm screwed up or in need. For instance, before when I used to drink, if I was willing to call you to pick me up, then you were a close friend. Usually the ones who I'll call are the ones willing to pick me up.
If I knew how to make diagrams on this blog I would, then I could more easily show you how my circle of friends work.

So there's asshole Ralph, professional Ralph, and anti-social messed up ralph. It all depends on what I'm doing. At work I am obviously professional Ralph. To my friends and when im at the bar im usually asshole Ralph, so much that im sometimes mistaken for New Yorker. And then there's anti-social ralph. I isolate myself and refuse to contact anyone in the outside world, I want to be alone with my thoughts, perhaps I'll stare at the sky or wall, or just stare aimlessly at the waves crashing in.

Tough new habits

So, im trying to build new habits, instead of holding things off till "later", im trying to do things "now". So my attempts of making my new habit of doing is pretty tough, more so than the procrastinating habit I have which is horribly negative to my life. But just like the movie What About Bob, it's all about taking baby steps.

Another area I am attempting to take control is my eating, I have absolutely no self discipline, I overeat. I mean, it's not like I go to Mcdonalds and order value meals supersized or anything, i eat healthy food, just too much of it, and not only that but when my non supportive family members bring bad food into the house hold (vanilla wafers) I lose all self control and eat like a fat pig.

Aside from that, I did take my Business Law final this evening, part of me fees like I did well, but part of me feels like i bombed it, we'll see how it goes.

"Bad economic times like this is when we need to have some ingenuity and create jobs for ourselves" -me

I know I know I know

I haven't posted in quite awhile, except for those twitter like blog posts I do from my phone. So let's see where do I start. Well, things have mellowed out, from previous posts I was obviously in another state, a disorderly state if you will. Depresssion, hopelessness sort of thing. Time(like usual) is to thank for the healing.

I don't really drink anymore and don't frequent bars anymore really. Of course I miss drinking up a storm and talk about all the things "I'm going to do". I realized that I've been drinking and just talking all these years, when I should have atleast been drinking AND DOING!!! So now, that I don't really drink, MY pledge is to live a more healthy, fulfilling life and to stop letting things get in my way, that includes my self doubt!!!!!!

I guess one has to hit rock bottom to rise up, that way you know which way is up and which way is down.

Work is still work, I was offered a higher position but they wanted to cut my pay. I was like "what the hell?" How do you offer someone a higher position and give them a pay cut, it just makes no sense? It's like offering a person the CEO position but giving them less pay than what they were already making. I dunno, where that sense comes from, perhaps you can enlighten me?

My patience for incompetence is very very low today!

The loong road toward the light is a loong path but well worth the trip?