off the wagon

We all have our weaknesses. It might be delicious twinkies, or maybe cheesy pop songs, but my main weakness and ultimate demon is booze. For better or worse, booze is it for me.

No other thing on this planet has brought me as much pleasure and destruction as booze. AND to make things worse, I'm a lonely asshole, but once I drink, I'm the lonely asshole surrounded by people. It's odd how things work. You choose sobriety and you are alone like as if you were in the vacuum of space. Start drinking and you have friends ready to party it up. Where was I on this social spectrum?

Obviously I wasn't sober from the get-go, but I cut my drinking drastically. Had a drink maybe once a month or so and when I did it was one or two beers. Fast forward to this past week and I gotta be honest, I drank more this week than I have combined the previous year. So where does that leave us?

I won't sugarcoat things. I will probably drink again, more than likely this friday when I go to a Comedy show I got free tickets for. But I'm going to work on not drinking as much, maybe I might not drink at all, but you know me better than that.

I push people away...

yes,it's another Friday night and I am alone watching a movie about loneliness and solitude. the film's narration attempting to drown out the narration of my life that is going on my head. Why am I here? Why are you here? What is the whole point of this? I'm not being suicidal or anything these ae just questions everyone thinks about, sort of.

Am I in the same league as Socrates and Jung? The great thinkers of this world? Perhaps they are not so great, since we ponder the same thing(past tense for the). I seem to always complain about being alone but I am also the one who puts space between myself and human beings, as soon as they get close I begin to push away. Do you do the same thing?

As you can see my this blog and all other blog entries are all over the place! Not because I can't formulate a perfect sentence or know where to put a period or comma, I have two reasons for this. Reason(1)My mind is all over the place. If you had a ship and could travel my mind, you would lose your f*ckin mind trying to navigate it. And reason(2) I am lazy.

Have a great day!!!!!