Am I addicted?

First off, I wrote a rough draft about an upcoming blog entry, but was too lazy to edit and post it and then I decided to come on here and check stuff out, but felt I needed an immediate release so here I am. Am I addicted? I don't think I ever asked myself that really. Even when I blew 16 grand that I made while being overseas on boozing it up at the bar and a few Vegas trips that included 48 or 72 drinking marathons. Or how about when I was destroying things, like when I was intoxicated and smashed my guitar like I was Paul Simonon on the Clash's London Calling album cover. So when do we ask ourselves the big question? Unfortunately it's after we have hit rock-bottom and have squandered away our finances, hurt and pushed our loved ones away and are all alone with our thoughts and memories to haunt us.

I push people away...

yes,it's another Friday night and I am alone watching a movie about loneliness and solitude. the film's narration attempting to drown out the narration of my life that is going on my head. Why am I here? Why are you here? What is the whole point of this? I'm not being suicidal or anything these ae just questions everyone thinks about, sort of.

Am I in the same league as Socrates and Jung? The great thinkers of this world? Perhaps they are not so great, since we ponder the same thing(past tense for the). I seem to always complain about being alone but I am also the one who puts space between myself and human beings, as soon as they get close I begin to push away. Do you do the same thing?

As you can see my this blog and all other blog entries are all over the place! Not because I can't formulate a perfect sentence or know where to put a period or comma, I have two reasons for this. Reason(1)My mind is all over the place. If you had a ship and could travel my mind, you would lose your f*ckin mind trying to navigate it. And reason(2) I am lazy.

Have a great day!!!!!

Off and on off and on and being alone

I am completely afraid to look at my previous posts to count the times I have said that I will start posting more often or that I will set a schedule for me to do it. Les just get out it out in the air, I AM A FLAKE! Well no completely, just when it comes to this. Ok so here's my actual blog on being alone.

I have no issue being alone. I was the youngest in my household and there was/is a HUGE age gap between me and my three older brothers, i was the baby of the family. So part of my childhood I felt like an only child because I was the only child living in the house, everyone else were adults. I would go off in my imaginary world and do things alone. Don't get me wrong I played with the kids in the neighborhood, but they weren't like me and didn't think like me (no, I'm not gay). The only way I could explain it was that I maybe had a conscious, or I could think outside of myself, maybe I had self realization at an early age. Also, because I was always around older people I matured more quickly.

Fast forward to now, I am sort of well rounded. I have "friends". Although there are very few I would call for help if I was stranded somewhere. In general I enjoy being alone with m thoughts. I'll occasionally go out with people but then I have to recharge my social juices and spend some time isolated from everyone else. Some people can't handle solitude and isolation, me on the other hand, I thrive in it!!!