Troubles of Sobriety

FYI: This was written a few months before the last post.

You're at the bar it's 1:30Am with your friends. The bartender screams "Last Call", you are rushing to order your last round of drinks before the bartender stops serving alcohol due to this f*ckin ridiculous law. "Why can't Cali be more like Vegas, where you can drink 24'7. Seriously, "they just don't want me to party" This was my scenario all the time back in the day except it wasn't 1:30AM it was 1:30PM and I was alone. Yep, I was drinking like it was last call and more often than not I was completely alone, mainly due to the fact that my friends had jobs and I was living off the G.I Bill.

I am for the most part sober now, I don't really drink as often and definitely not like I used to. Certain experiences brought me to reality and no a woman did not save me and show me the light(thats usually only in the movies). Although....

Every now and then, when I isten to certain music or when I pass by a local dive bar and see everyone outside smoking, I get all nostalgic and my throat starts yearning for the sweet taste of Bourbon. Normally I chuckle, think about the old days and remember how it feels to just let lose. THEN i think about the lack of control, the horrible morning afters with the splitting headaches while I'm hovering over a toilet bowl, and unfortunately the only way to feel better is one of two ways: 1)drink more, which will make you feel better in no time OR 2)sleep, which will probably take atleast all day. So why not just take the easy way out and drink more right?

So, now I just pass by the bar and try to associate negative things with drinking and bars as a deterrent. But we're all human and mistakes do happen...sometimes.

I know I know I know

I haven't posted in quite awhile, except for those twitter like blog posts I do from my phone. So let's see where do I start. Well, things have mellowed out, from previous posts I was obviously in another state, a disorderly state if you will. Depresssion, hopelessness sort of thing. Time(like usual) is to thank for the healing.

I don't really drink anymore and don't frequent bars anymore really. Of course I miss drinking up a storm and talk about all the things "I'm going to do". I realized that I've been drinking and just talking all these years, when I should have atleast been drinking AND DOING!!! So now, that I don't really drink, MY pledge is to live a more healthy, fulfilling life and to stop letting things get in my way, that includes my self doubt!!!!!!

I guess one has to hit rock bottom to rise up, that way you know which way is up and which way is down.

Work is still work, I was offered a higher position but they wanted to cut my pay. I was like "what the hell?" How do you offer someone a higher position and give them a pay cut, it just makes no sense? It's like offering a person the CEO position but giving them less pay than what they were already making. I dunno, where that sense comes from, perhaps you can enlighten me?